Lucien, Lucien. I can't fight with you anymore. It has drained the colour out of my days, wherever I go my steps are dampened with an unpleasant loneliness. Do you know how much further this would torture me? Can you please put a halt to this? All I want is to dance with you, until our feet won't do and our hands run wild. All I want is you. You see, Lucien, I was wrong. I did not realise the weight of words, and the force they hurl in such a reckless manner that you would leave, that you would leave in silence and in a deafening pain that I did not fathom. Please don't pity me, my inability to love, and my stubborn refusal to accept it whole-heartedly. Does it not make perfect sense that I'd been able to find my rhythm in you, and that, it made me the happiest of many days, out of a thousand suns? My darling Lucien, come back. I'll be good.
Monday, May 06, 2013
I woke up this morning broken-hearted. My beloved country is stricken, paralysed by traitors terrorising us with blatant deceptions and ill-intentions. We have lost our democracy years ago in the hand of our so-called Father of Development, in his march of tyranny he had our wealth stolen, our land sold, our people silenced. Today, our brothers and sisters march together, drowning out echoes of May13 threats. For a long, long time I couldn't hold back tears. Of joy, because we are finally tied as one, as Malaysians. Of anger, because there is no decency in this man we called Prime Minister. A fraud, a murderer, a liar, a corrupted disgrace.
Today will remain a big blot stain in Malaysian history. Barisan National Coalition may declared their victory and carry on with their shameless parade, but know this, today is the day Najib lost the heart of Malaysians, and it is the day that marks his downfall.
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Monday, April 01, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Today I had a little walk by myself. I didn't mind the muddy field, almost felt a little unravelled under the weakened sun as I took on a long stride, one after another. Somewhat at peace, somewhat unsettled. The peculiar atmosphere of mist, sweats and dampened earth, and I was trapped in an erratic race in my head, one I cannot win. At times, I long for the summer sunday afternoons. Basking under the sun with salt water gently washing the weariness away, with my almost-lover. I fell in love under a thicket of kisses, in a playful tumble and in a downward spiral. Will there be an end to an unresolved heartache? Yes. Yes there is. Until dusks settled, vision fogged and grasps loosened, then the toughest too shall dissolve.
I love you, and I dislike you.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
This fake terror does not scare me anymore. There was a number of time, more than I'd like to admit that I'd willingly let my heart roams wild. Stomping wild in the rain, the truth is, I knew. I'd always knew. A slow-strung demise, almost a welcome calamity.
There is this man whose hand I once held tight. His fingers coarse with marks of life, painted by sweats and earth. His language unpolished, his manner uninhibited, and his pride swollen. Although, I've been able to appreciate his lack of pretense, and his unbearable raw ignorance - that made a man who was true to himself, blinded or not, became irrevocably appealing. Truthfully, I was painfully attracted to this man. I saw the shadow of Mr. Ito in him, tugging my sleeves like a pleading child of the Red. Reminding that I was once hopelessly in love with false courage, no matter how foolish. Almost on the brink.
This does not scare me anymore. I will let this tinge of mellowed sadness follows me as far as his scent carries. Then I'll walk on, with the earth moves under my feet. In my pocket, a little thankfulness for a peculiar encounter. Because you don't scare me. I know you. You are just a chicken with teeth and I do not loathe what I pity.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Thursday, December 27, 2012
In your rhythm, along the crescent of your smile, amidst the strange air on a mellow midsummer evening. The gentle knock of December drops, the gentle rock that is my bright-eyed darling. I am a rested soul, I am the southern wind dancing in the wild. Yes, I am held prisoner on the bed of cerulean pacific. I am still the happiest of the flock. The happiest of the flock.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
In the nook of his neck, I was forcefully reminded of my existence. In a chokehold of stifled emotions, crippled with pure ecstasy. Repeatedly, repeatedly. Horrifyingly.
I found my ground state in the arch of his arm, in between embraces, in the buoyance of this strange comfort. I'm troubled. I'm falling in love, and I'm troubled.